Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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