It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
