I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
