Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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