Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
