how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
