This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
