I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
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