I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
