She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize