I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
