just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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