so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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