I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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