the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
