ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Randomize
