Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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