To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
