drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
