FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
no. you can't hotbox the world.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
