nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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