He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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