I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
You ruined the universe
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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