EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I think I sprained my soul last night
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
