Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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