At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
i wish my penis had a tongue
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
