if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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