Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
