she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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