She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
May the power of my ass compel you!!
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
