My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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