Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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