there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
