For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
