I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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