I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Randomize
