My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
