i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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