Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
