I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I need to stop coming to work sober
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
