i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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