I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
