I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize