I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
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