OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
