as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
When are your genitals available?
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
