So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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