so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
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