Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
