i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Congratulations! We have a period
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
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