I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
