I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
