More tranny stories later!
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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