Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
