Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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