Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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