So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
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