It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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