do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
We are all done wearing pants today
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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