I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Randomize
