His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
nutella sex= disaster
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
