she is the kim kardashian of front butts
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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