So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize