Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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