normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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