..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
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