Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
you made out with another girl for some wings
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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