I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
i now understand why vodka
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
