woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
