Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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