Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize